1)Would Haves, Should Haves, Could Haves and What Ifs
Let go of replaying all the possible scenarios from the past. What if I had only done this? What if I had done that instead? I should have, I could have, I would have…. STOP! It doesn’t matter anymore! What’s done, is done. In that moment, at that time, you said/did/felt what you did for a reason. Agonizing over your past actions, reactions and decisions changes nothing. Living in regret is debilitating. Learn from your past, apologize when necessary, forgive yourself and possibly your X (that might take time) and move forward without these chains of regret holding you down. Stop re-living, so you can live!
Let go of feelings that rile you up. Feelings that consume your mind and tie your stomach in a knot. It takes time to heal and time for these intense emotions to subside, especially if you were hurt or betrayed in your marriage. First, feel the anger, feel the sadness, feel the resentment. Process it, express it, release it. Holding onto these feelings for extended periods of time is not healthy. It’s normal to experience occasional bouts of intense emotions, but when we constantly dwell on these emotions, they’ll only fester and invade our happiness. Make a conscious decision to choose calm.
Let go of your limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. First, you have to discern what those beliefs are and examine them. How did you form those beliefs? Why do you hold onto them so tightly? What do you believe about marriage? About divorce? About co-parenting? About love? About happiness? How does your present situation merge with your belief system? What purpose are your current beliefs serving? How do they make you feel? How can they be altered to make you feel better? Think about how changing your beliefs can change your life. For example: You can believe your divorce is a tragedy based on a belief system that says marriage is forever; or you can choose to look at divorce as an opportunity–a gift–for a new beginning. You get to choose what to believe.
4)The way things were
Let go of expecting things to be the same. Everything is different now—your marital status impacts so many important details of your life– your finances, your living situation, your parental time, your social life, your identity. Brace yourself and prepare for these changes. Holidays, family gatherings and other celebrations will all be different now. Even daily life will be unfamiliar to you as a single person. A new normal will evolve. Keep an open mind to embrace the newness of your current situation. Instead of longing for the past, have fun creating the new— new routines, new traditions, new expectations, new social circles, a new you!
Let go of trying to control everything. It’s exhausting! Somethings just have to unfold naturally. Sometimes you have to just BE. Be in the moment. Be you. Be free from the pressure/worry/fear of having to have everything under control all the time. It’s ok if you can’t handle everything right now. It’s ok to be temporarily out of control as you heal and adjust to your new life circumstances. And, it’s ok to ask for help.